Bio

Welcome to the misadventures of me. Throughout my blog you will find I have a lot of stories to tell, many to do with the successes and failures. The beautiful and the ugly. I’m passionate about literature and regard it very much as an art form. Writers such as Charles Bukowski, Bret Easton Ellis and Albert Camus influence me

Born and raised in London, England, I moved to Toronto, Canada in June 2012. The transition of moving changed my perspective on so many things. I look at the world a little differently now. I've been put in some unusual situations and have learnt more about people and even more about myself. 

This is a blog dedicated to those who I've encountered and no longer know. I thank them for their short time. This blog is dedicated to those who differ from me and those who have inspired me. They are both my biggest influencers.

They'll all fade to grey soon

It was Jimmy’s birthday and it was my understanding that I would be spending the night at his place. The evening began quiet and after many hours other people joined the party, Jimmy’s relatives would visit and I would be enjoying their company. I would watch them smoke and drink at it made me wonder how their lives were influenced by nights like these. Everyday they’re doing something that they do not like though this weekend is a chance to forget about all this. I didn’t want to be like them.

Jimmy later on that night received a call. It was his mother and she didn’t want his friends staying over, she wanted us gone when she came back. I was scared it was late, too late. I couldn’t call my mum because it was around 1:30 am and I knew she would be asleep and she would not be happy picking me up, especially with her son being intoxicated with substances.

So we had to think of a plan, fast. One of his cousins, Dean wanted us to stay at his place he wasn’t far. We thought it would be a good idea so we went. He didn’t live far so it wasn’t big deal really. His home was cluttered, small and quite claustrophobic and you could smell beer just reeking through the walls. I was tired so I slept on the sofa for an hour or so. Two pit bulls and baby crying woke me up. It turns out Dean does have some responsibilities at home. His girlfriend would buy booze for him every weekend and he’d drink the night away, it was and probably still is a common thing. He would rant; he’d stare at me and talk about anything and everything. He may be drunk but he’d still have some intriguing things to say about religion, war and culture. This however did not distract from the fact he has problems, a great deal of them.

Dean is an aggressive drunk. He’d shout and curse at his girlfriend and his girlfriend would rebuttal. We’d try and calm him down while the nonsense would ensue. He warned all of us about this and everyone warned me about this, they discussed his drunken history in a humorous light. I could see in his eyes that he was ashamed of his behavior he mentioned that he wants to get behave better for his children, his girlfriend was carrying another baby at the time.

In the kitchen Jimmy and I shared a urine stained mattress that smelt awful. There was no other choice or anywhere else to sleep. Dean would get so angry and I was frightened, it was hard to sleep when his dogs would lick my face every so often. His child would cry and I watched him console her. I didn’t know what to make of all this I just waited until the morning and thankfully I got there. I picked up my stuff with Jimmy and left.

I smelt like smoke, I showered for a good 40 minutes. Went back home and pretended like nothing happened, because nothing did.

It was hard to see people like that I guess. I wasn’t use to it; I’ve been sheltered for a long time. I felt for Jimmy and his family because there isn’t much going on there. He lives a different life and I respect that, it took me some time to realize that we are in different worlds just not so far apart.

I wish him the best

As for Dean and his family, I wish them better.

-

Z.H

Death Of A Salesman

I was enthusiastic and determined. It was my first job; I was hired in September 2012. This also made me very nervous. I didn't want to seem like such a novice even though I was exactly that. Tommy Hilfiger accepted me and I was over the moon. It took me time to actually get a grip of what was going on; I have never had a job and didn't feel as though I was ready for it. I went with it anyway.

In my first three shifts I didn't sell anything and I was depressed. I thought I was going to get fired soon. I made mistakes on my first shift and was embarrassed by them; I could feel all eyes on me.  Even though I was finding it difficult one evening I managed to sell and it was a great feeling, my managers seemed pleased. It was all easy since then.

Throughout my time I made some friends but never had any strong connection with any of them. The more I used to work the more repetitive and uninteresting it became. The job really has no soul; you work for hours, talking, selling and borderline harassing customers. You have to make sure you make $100 an hour to make budget for the store though you get no percentage of it. You’re supposed to work your butt of so you can make these managers happy. The thing that got to me most was when after a long 9 hour shift they read your sales and tell you that you didn't do well at all. This didn't motivate me, it angered me but this happens to everyone and everyone goes through this.

New employees would get hired and when I would talk to them about this job they all said they need to improve on their sales and I would simply ask why. What does it really do for you? Why do you feel so pressured into worrying yourself about what you have sold or not? I just tell them that they should just get to work on time, try your best and be likable. I've only survived for so long because I believe these managers like me. Be conscious about what you’re doing but don’t allow these things to get to you.

People seemed to drift, employees come & go. It’s strange to see people disappear like that. The thought is unsettling. One employee I got to know quite well, she has children, a family to support. Everyone seemed to like her, she worked hard. Long story short there were complications and issues that were not resolved. Instead she was fired and I was there to see her walk out the office and cry.

It’s been a couple of months & no one has mentioned her name, not even once as though she never existed.

The enthusiasm dies you see.

-

Z.H